Tigerstar's Diary
by Half-Blood Warrior Kitty
Summary: Tigerstar, the fierce leader of ShadowClan, has secrets. Darkstripe is in love with him, and he pours out his thoughts on life and E-Z Bake Ovens to this diary.


Tigerstar's Diary

Disclaimer: I do not own the Warriors characters. (Tigeypoo, Darkstripe, Brindleface, Sasha, Cloudtail, etc.) I _**DO**_ own Cheryl and Steve. No, I don't own the Sphinx either.

Day I- My New Diary!

Darkstripe dropped this in my den this morning. He's kind of weird, giving me all of these love offerings (I've gotten 2 toasters and a pair of positively _**GORGEOUS**_ diamond earrings from him already!), you know, he's a tom, _I'm_ a tom, and……. um, yeah. As soon as I saw it, I fell in love with it, with its glittery cover, and pink flowers, and puppies, and…….. uh, it's soooo manly with bloodstains all over it! Oh, here comes Darkstripe, and he's dragging this box-thing. He calls it an "E-Z Bake Oven." Whatever…..

Day II- What _IS_ This Thing?

I started examining this E-Z Bake Oven thing, and I must tell you, it's so cool! I put a live frog (that I soooo caught myself) in it and it blew up! I had frog guts all over my pelt (Curses for leaving the door open so I could watch!) and it took me HOURS to get clean! However, I ate what was left, and it was pretty good. Next time, I'll try to make Firestar Puffs. Or maybe some brownies. Hooray for brownies!!

Day III- WOW!!!! RHE-OW!!!

I met this hot she-cat named Sasha today. I hit on her with pick-up lines from this book that Darkstripe got me (no surprises there) called, "How to Pick Up She-Cats: by Hunter Night." Get this, she actually fell for it! The night was going so well, that I attempted to make truffles for us in my E-Z Bake Oven, but we ended up eating chocolate pizza. Needless to say, she was impressed. I totally forgot about………..what's her name?…………Goldensomething. Who really cares?

Day IV- It was an accident, HONEST!!!

Okay, this tabby, Brindleface, from ThunderClan, wanders into our territory, so a patrol brings her back to camp. I lead her to my den and, just for fun, I lock her in Steve, my E-Z Bake Oven. I threaten to press the "bake" button, and she pleads with me to give her mercy. I put my paw on top of Steve, but it must have slipped, because Steve was warming up. The next thing I knew, well, Brindleface was, umm, yeah, you get the picture. So I dragged her back to ThunderClan camp. As I neared the entrance, I smelled a patrol coming, so I ducked into a bush. Then the white cat, Cloudpaw or tail or kit or whatever, stopped dead. Oh crap, I shouldn't have left her there. So anyway, Cloudkit, paw, tail, (oh he could be Cloudstar for all I know!) starts howling. Man, I felt horrible. I left the scene because those pesky dogs were probably going to come any second, reminding myself to send Cloudwhatever a charming "I'm sorry" gift basket.

Day V- Evilness Rocks!

Well, watching Brindleface kick the evil bucket really gave me an odd, evil, tingly feeling in my stomach. An evil feeling. So, I evilly watched as Evil Steve, my Evil-Z Bake Oven, evilly blow up another frog. And yes, the door was evilly CLOSED this time! I tried to evilly cook evil brownies, but they turned out as evil chocolate corn dogs. Oh well. I'm still evilly evil!

Day VI- I Feel A Little Guilty

Okay, the evil feelings have worn off a little. I feel bad for Cloudwhatshisface, so instead of the gift basket, I gave Evil Steve an evil lecture about being evil. I told him never to bake another cat, unless I wanted him to. He was so in awe of my awesome evilness, that he was speechless. I was so proud of my Stevie, that I made chocolate rice (another brownie attempt). *sigh*my life is soooo complicated.

Day VII- The Scary Stress Monster Attacks! MOMMY!!!!!!!!

This evil thing isn't really working all too well for me. It's so fun, but I have to give it up before something bad happens. I'm torn, and just to make things worse, Sasha is sick and I can't go to the playground in Twolegplace with her! WAAAAAAAA! I'm so upset!

P.S. I think that Steve is catching a cold.

Day VIII- YAYZEZ!

In the midst of my inner turmoil, I finally succeeded in making brownies!!!!! Sure, they were _supposed_ to be blintzes, but what Blackfoot doesn't know won't hurt me. That reminds me, I still never gave Cloudwhateverhisnameis a gift basket. I'll make him some blintzes and brownies and maybe a gift card to Victoria's Secret (like he'll ever use it. Maybe he can give it to a nice she-cat or something.)

Day IX- Prayer For The Sick

I WAS RIGHT! Steve has a cold! I caught him an extra piece of prey to maybe help him to feel better. But I don't think it made a difference. He's still cold as a stale mouse. I let him use my moss nest for the night. Darkstripe came by with a few blankets. This is really getting out of hand, but I appreciated that.

Day X- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Steve died during the night. I was so upset, that I went out and killed this WindClan apprentice, Gorsepaw I think. I had my Clan bury Steve as they would a warrior, but I was the only one to sit vigil by his grave. I put a picture in next to him. It looked a little something like this:

I will never forget my Stevie. I'll never get another E-Z Bake Oven. Wait, here comes someone………It's…………Darkstripe. Whoop dee doo. Oh no… he's dragging another box-thing. NO, DARKSTRIPE!!!! I CAN NEVER LOVE AGA- …………………………………Oooooooh, this one's PINK! Thanks, Darkstripe. I think I'll name her Cheryl.

Day XI- Who?

Sasha came by to visit me and Cheryl. We had some hot dogs. She said that she was so sorry. I said that it was no big deal. It's not _her_ fault that my chocolate hot dog got burnt. She looked confused. She asked what I was talking about. I asked what _she_ was talking about. She said that she was soooo sorry that Steve died. I paused for a moment and I answered her. "Who's Steve?"

Day XII- Cheryl's First Day

Cheryl has only been in my life for a short time, however, we have developed a very close bond. The world is our lollipop! We'll do everything together; hunt together, fight together, even share the same piece of fresh-kill. A new litter of kits was just born today, so I asked Cheryl a very important question while she was making chocolate waffles (I still can't make another batch of brownies!). "Where do E-Z Bake Ovens come from?" I asked. She was concentrating so hard on making the waffles that she didn't answer. That was okay with me, so I looked at her back, hoping it would give me a hint. What luck I have! Right there, on her back, was this little golden thing. It says, "Made in China." Cheryl finished making the waffles. While we were eating, my mind drifted back to something that Sasha had said about this guy named Steve. Who is Steve, anyway? Someone I should know about?

Day XIII- I Make a Proposal

I love Cheryl soooo much that I have decided to ask her to marry me, in front of the whole Gathering tonight!

Okay, so we're at the Gathering, and I ask, "Cheryl, my little flookie-dookie-mama, I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my nine lives with you. Will……… you marry me?" Cheryl was speechless, so I took it that she liked the idea. I asked Darkstripe to be the minister, and he kept muttering about how this should be his wedding. Wow, just wow. So the ceremony went on, and during the first dance, Sasha comes in. I say, "SASHA! Glad you could make it! Please, join the party!" Sasha stares at me, and screeches, "HOW COULD YOU GET _MARRIED_ WHEN I'M EXPECTING YOUR FREAKIN' KITS?!?!?!? AND TO AN E-Z BAKE OVEN?!?!?!? WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?!?!?!?" So I say, "Sasha, I had no clue that you were pregnant!" So she just rolls her eyes and says, "_**NOOOOO,**_ I only got heavier over a short period of time because I _**ATE TOO MUCH!!!!"**_ So I say, "Well, then maybe you should go on a diet." And she twitches for a moment, and then she tries to claw my eyes out!!! Really, she-cats! You just can't live with them. That's why I have Cheryl, who through it all has been rendered speechless. Oh, I love my little flookie-dookie-mama. Yes I do!

Day XIV- The Flookie-Dookies Take A Trip

Cheryl and I are taking our relationship to the next level :3. That's right, we took a vacation to Egypt! A little scooper-thingy was set up near the giant lion thing. I decided that the thingy would be a PERFECT place for our picnic. There was a lever on the side that I THOUGHT cued the romantic disco ball, but instead, it sent us flying.

"Well, Cheryl. Isn't this GREAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!?" I sighed. "A beautiful mooooon? And a great view of the staaaaaaars?" Cheryl was speechless, so I put my paw around her. "I feel the same way."

(Up on top of the sphinx)

"Now how will we get down?"


End file.
